I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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