he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
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So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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