Do you still have your period?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
