so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
