even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
