You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize