I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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