I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
