Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
