Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
