Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
handjob tips. give me some.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
