You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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