Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
