Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
