are you so shy because you have an std?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
