My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
