i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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