I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
