I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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