I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
