i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
