im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
