We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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