Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
