Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
