I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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