haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
