I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
