dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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