Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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