Your face is a jimmy john
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize