Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
