You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
