Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We have started to decorate penises.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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