So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize