Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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