remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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