She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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