Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i think i have two assholes
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
