I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
