I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Randomize
