omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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