i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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