Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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