Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
