You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Randomize
