I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
