Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
