her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
