Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
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