I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I feel like abortions should bother me more
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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