she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
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before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
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So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.