New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry