i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...