i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
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Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
They took my balls.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.