She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
