So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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