And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
