I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
