We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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