I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Pants 0. Shit 1.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
