I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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