i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
