If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
